"If I Could Be Like Xena" is a song from Marilyn Rucker's 1998 album, Voyeur Princess.
Lyrics[]
- If I could be like Xena
- A feisty warrior princess
- I’d scream my ululations
- While I slice and dice and minces.
- And I would scare my landlord.
- And make him fix my shower.
- And he would not evict me
- Cause I’d have such awesome power.
- And I would be a legend
- Riding horseback through the streets
- Conquering my inner demons
- And fighting crime from here to Crete.
- Let’s all be heroes
- Let’s all have swords.
- Let’s party with centaurs
- And drink wine from gourds
- We’ll bail out the good guys
- And stomp out the bad
- Cause it keeps us in training
- For the great Olympiad!
- But the gods are laughing at me
- And all the goddesses smirk too.
- Cause I’m just a little milksop
- And I’m so afraid of you
- But if I could be like Xena
- For just an hour or two or three
- I’d beat you into submission
- And then you’d fall in love with me
- That’s how it works on t.v.
- If I could be like Xena
- A feisty warrior princess
- I’d catch daggers in my teeth
- And I’d hardly even winces
- Cause that’s the kind of stuff
- It takes now
- To make it in the old or new world
- You gotta be a muscle mama
- Or you get treated like a slave girl
- Let’s all be heroes
- Lets’ all have swords
- Let’s party with giants and evil warlords!
- We’ll bail out the good guys
- And stomp out the bad
- Cause it keeps us in training for the great Olympiad!