If I Could Be Like Xena



"If I Could Be Like Xena" is a song from Marilyn Rucker's 1998 album, Voyeur Princess.

Lyrics

 * If I could be like Xena
 * A feisty warrior princess
 * I’d scream my ululations
 * While I slice and dice and minces.


 * And I would scare my landlord.
 * And make him fix my shower.
 * And he would not evict me
 * Cause I’d have such awesome power.


 * And I would be a legend
 * Riding horseback through the streets
 * Conquering my inner demons
 * And fighting crime from here to Crete.


 * Let’s all be heroes
 * Let’s all have swords.
 * Let’s party with centaurs
 * And drink wine from gourds
 * We’ll bail out the good guys
 * And stomp out the bad
 * Cause it keeps us in training
 * For the great Olympiad!


 * But the gods are laughing at me
 * And all the goddesses smirk too.
 * Cause I’m just a little milksop
 * And I’m so afraid of you


 * But if I could be like Xena
 * For just an hour or two or three
 * I’d beat you into submission
 * And then you’d fall in love with me
 * That’s how it works on t.v.


 * If I could be like Xena
 * A feisty warrior princess
 * I’d catch daggers in my teeth
 * And I’d hardly even winces


 * Cause that’s the kind of stuff
 * It takes now
 * To make it in the old or new world
 * You gotta be a muscle mama
 * Or you get treated like a slave girl


 * Let’s all be heroes
 * Lets’ all have swords
 * Let’s party with giants and evil warlords!
 * We’ll bail out the good guys
 * And stomp out the bad
 * Cause it keeps us in training for the great Olympiad!