The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty

The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty, or simply Joxer the Mighty, was a ballad composed and sung by Joxer in his days traveling alongside Xena, Gabrielle, and various other heroes. (XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls")

The cadence and style of the song was originally sung by Joxer's mother to him as a child. It was a point of contention for his brother Jett.
 * Joxer, the tidy.
 * He always inside-y.
 * Never hurts the other boys,
 * Even when they steal his toys...

(XWP: "The King of Assassins")

His original version started out "I'm Joxer the mighty; he roams through the countryside..."

He later expanded the song with minor changes:
 * Joxer the Mighty
 * roams through the countryside,
 * he never needs a place to hide.
 * With Gabby as his sidekick,
 * fighting with her little stick.
 * Righting wrongs and singing songs.
 * Being mighty all day long.
 * He's Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!


 * Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty,
 * he's really tidy.
 * Everybody likes him
 * 'cause he has a funny grin.
 * Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!

Adapting the second verse, he changed the lyrics again after an encounter with Aphrodite, and a spell she cast on him.
 * Joxer the Mighty
 * he's very tidy.
 * Everyone admires him.
 * He's so handsome, it's a sin.


 * If you're in jeopardy,
 * don't call the cavalry.
 * There's a better remedy.
 * Although he doesn't work for free!


 * He's every man's trustee.
 * He's every woman's fantasy.
 * Plus, he's good with company.
 * It's Joxer,
 * I’m Joxer the Mighty!

(XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls")

While under the influence of the god Bliss, Joxer regaled a love-struck Gabrielle with the song, and the two would sing a version together:
 * Joxer the Mighty,
 * He roams through the countryside.
 * He never needs a place to hide.
 * With Gabby as his sidekick,
 * Fighting with her little stick.
 * Righting wrongs and singing songs.
 * Being mighty all day long.
 * He’s Joxer, he’s Joxer the Mighty!

Gabrielle later sang the song by herself, when still love-stricken. (XWP: "A Comedy of Eros")

He later changed the point-of-view partially on the song:
 * Joxer the Mighty,
 * I roam through the countryside.
 * I never need a place to hide.
 * With Gabby as his sidekick...

(XWP: "The King of Assassins")

Due to his frequent trips to Meg's tavern, the harlots learned and sung a version of his ballad whenever he entered:
 * Joxer the Mighty,
 * Master of virility,
 * Every woman wants him,
 * He's so sexy it's a sin,


 * If you want a special tryst,
 * He's the man you can't resist,
 * By every measure he's a prize!
 * (Just check out my shoe size!)
 * Just check out his shoe size!
 * He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!


 * Joxer the Mighty,
 * captain of debauchery.
 * Never seems to get enough
 * of our tantalizing stuff.


 * If you need some company,
 * with Joxer there's a guarantee,
 * (of the highest potency!)
 * (Heck, I'd even work for free!)
 * (Take your filthy hands off me!!!)
 * He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

(XWP: "Warrior... Priestess... Tramp")

While in Illusia, a version of Joxer appeared to Gabrielle and sang this version of the ballad:
 * Joxer the Mighty,
 * Master of geography, 
 * Here to guide you on your way.
 * Stick to me, you'll never stray.


 * And if you're in a land that's new,
 * I'm the man who'll get you through.
 * Even when you're slightly nude.
 * I'm Joxer, I'm Joxer the Mighty!


 * (We're in Illusia...)


 * Being naked won't excuse ya.
 * Sing to talk, we're in Illusia.

(XWP: "The Bitter Suite")

When Gabrielle had her memory erased by Mnemosyne, Joxer sung the song several times to her delight, before becoming guilty over the entire affair. (XWP: "Forget Me Not")

Joxer was interrupted from singing the ballad by an old man who complained that the "meter was terrible." (XWP: "In Sickness and in Hell")

Millennia later, a reincarnation of Joxer, Annie Day, sang a similar song:
 * Annie Banannie,
 * she kicks fanny.
 * Dangerous with sword and knife,
 * learned her skills in that past life.


 * Never will you outfox her.
 * She's as good as ol' Joxer.
 * I'm Annie, I'm Annie the Mighty!


 * You should just meet her.
 * They don't come any sweeter...

(XWP: "Deja Vu All Over Again")

Background information
The Ballad was written by Joxer-portrayer Ted Raimi and often re-written for his several appearances.

During the end credits of "For Him the Bell Tolls," a more complete version of the original appeared:
 * Blood, valor, and victory! Hah-hah!


 * Joxer the Mighty
 * he's very tidy.
 * Everyone admires him.
 * He's so handsome, it's a sin.


 * If you're in jeopardy,
 * don't call the cavalry.
 * There's a better remedy.
 * Although he doesn't work for free!


 * He's every man's trustee.
 * He's every woman's fantasy.
 * Plus, he's good with company.
 * Look out! He'ss Joxer, Joxer the Mighty
 * Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!